Intentionally, not vicariously

Approximately 20ish years ago, I was ecstatic to learn that my aunt had given birth to a beautiful baby girl.  For nearly a decade, we had watched baby after baby added to my extended family. Lots of boy babies.  As a kid, I wanted a younger sister more than anything.  I got the next best thing – a little girl cousin.  So ever since the day Madeline was born, she’s had a special place in my heart.

Fast forward 20 years, and that same baby cousin is now a beautiful, hilarious young woman, spreading her wings and living in London for a semester (supposedly, she’s “going to school” – I’m not convinced ;) ).  Confession time:  I was jealous.  My own college experience was a-typical.  I like that it led me to where I am, but it was not the best.  So when I told Madeline to have a fabulous time across the pond, I also told her that I wanted to hear all about it so I could live vicariously through her.  She even promised to write a blog so I could follow her adventures (*cough* Mad…where is that blog by the way? *cough*).

Then a week or two ago something finally starting clicking for me.  Rather than living vicariously, why don’t I just live intentionally?  What is stopping me from still having amazing experiences?  Just because I’m not 21 and in college, doesn’t mean I can’t go backpacking through Europe.  Just because I’m traveling solo, doesn’t mean I can’t take a wonderful vacation.  Just because someone else may appear “better” at something, doesn’t mean I can’t do it or try it as well.

Regrets are funny things.  I have a lot of them.  I think people who say “I don’t have regrets” are crazy.  Or maybe I’m just jealous of people who have no regrets.  Either way, a few big decisions I’ve made in my life continue to haunt me, despite my rational self knowing that there isn’t a thing I can do to change it. So I’ve decided I’m going to take those regrets and work them into intentional choices for the future.  Step 1?  I’m going to London.

A change of scene would sure be great; the thought is nice to contemplate. But the question begs why would you wait - and be late for your life? ~ Mary Chapin Carpenter